Tuesday, April 03, 2007

April showers

This isn't going to be the most happy post, just some advance warning.
I have come to the realization that some friendships just aren't meant to last...and that there is nothing I can do about it. One person can't keep making all the effort and expect that to be enough. One can prolong the inevitable for a while by doing that, quite a while sometimes, but eventually, it is ok for people to go their own ways. This is an uber-difficult realization, particularly in the life stage I am currently in. I am supposed to be making friends, not severing ties! I don't understand what about me makes me stick it out for so long, giving benefit after benefit of the doubt, upon numerous second chances. Even now, there is a part of me thinking "does it have to be this way?" Another thing that makes this particularly difficult is the close friendship we have felt, as recently as a week ago. The sudden nature of it all, that's REALLY hard. I have had friendships that have just sort of faded, which, although not fun either, are somewhat easier to handle, easing into them as it happens and then realizing one day that it already happened some time ago. This is the first real time when I have felt the need to (and carried out!) make an active change.
Do I expect too much? Are my expectations too high, and if they are, is this a bad thing?


helen said...

oooppss!! I've just posted a comment on an entry from July last year!! I'm new to this blogging lark!
Anyway, hello! Just thought I would post this to say that I've had a look at your blog and I think it's marvellous! It's really good to be able to see pictures of you - don;t think I've actually seen your beautiful visage since about 1997!
It sounds like you are well and settling in to your new job. You move around more than me! I'm all settled and boring these days though! I'm on Easter holidays from school, and goodness did I need it! Been to work for the last two days for the kids who didn't listen the first time around!
H xxxxxx

helen said...

Also on the friendship thing: I had a friend who I thought was really close when I first movedhere. She has since got together with a really close friend of my boyfriend. I never see or hear from her, or him, anymore. It makes me feel reaaly sad that we used to be so close and now it's like I've been dumped. It's not just me either , she's cut herself off from the whole group of us. We think it's mainly because the man that she is with has turned out to be possessive and paranoid. he seems to think that by her socialising with us she will get to know more about him than he wants her to know.
She just stopped returning calls and text messages. She'd say that she was coming out with us and then not turn up.
After a while you realise that some people will never be what you want them to be and in this case it was trustorthy and reliable. the two things that a true friend should always be.
It's a real shame, but when this sort of thing happens it's a chance to step back and evaluate what else is going on in your life and to appreciate the great things that you have. It sounds to me like you have done the right thing. I certainly thought that once I was out of my teens this sort of thing wouldn;t happen, but it seems that there will always be people who aren't on the same page as you and don;t have the same outlook.

I've also found that it's also important to remember that you're fab!

Princess Karamiri said...

Good to see you blogging again. Cutting off friendships can never be easy. But sometimes it has to be done. Best of luck.